would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im holly from the hills drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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