I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
