I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
