i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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