I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize