Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
