When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're a waste of cheezeits
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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