I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize