Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let's get the cat blown out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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