mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What a dumb baby whore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
