I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
