I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She's not a foreskin expert like you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
