WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
