please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
