My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
