hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
