Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Come on in and take your pants off
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