She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
