did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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