It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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