the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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