I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
