I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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