i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
