My nipple is on Facebook.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He felt like a one man threesome
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
