a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
