you guys were way drunker than both of me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
