You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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