Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
