My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
