So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
