I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
