fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
