I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
