I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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