nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
