There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize