I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
