god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize