You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
