Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My vagina is officially offended.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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