"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
