who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
