i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
