We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
