drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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