end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
