She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
