I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
