I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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