Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
