At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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