I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she told me i tasted like america
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize