We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
FUCK WHALES
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
