Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
