VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
high people should be assigned attendants
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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