When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
