i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
