Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
