Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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