Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
