the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
