He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
