Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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