That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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