Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
