Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
