Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
