Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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