My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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