happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, beer. Big fan.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
