Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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