no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
