he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
