why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hippo gnu deer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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