I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
