My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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