just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
