This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
