Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
