yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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