i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
