Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
