a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
