I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
