forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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