apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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