Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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