I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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