Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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