anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
