i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
