i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize