I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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