How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
