Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
