I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
