the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
